Monday, October 29, 2012

Beautiful feet!

 "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Romans 10:15

I look at Ms. Sophie & think you are not mine. You are HIS! You are God's gift to me for a specific amount of time, to raise and to love.

I look at her big little feet and think those feet will see and go places I could not even dream of, they will walk the path that is chosen by HIM, they will enlarge a Kingdom that one day we will all meet in, they will be blessed and be granted favor by HIM.

I'm blessed to have this little bright eye'd at 3 AM little girl.

So these days of being tired at 9 AM, load and loads of laundry & dishes, and constant messiness will all pass. One day my house will be quiet and I will be without these blessings I call my mess makers and I won't know what to do. This for right now is my calling, I may spend a good portion of my day being an Administrative Assistant but my real job is being a momma.

Thank you so much for blessing me today with this little bundle of joy (who was really bright eyed at 3 AM today), for the little guy who is so excited to be carrying his Luden's cough drops to school today, and for my big little girl who is acting much beyond her 8.5 yrs old. How could I have ever imagined their impact on my life!

Love, Me!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Psalm 23

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,a
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

I have recited this verse more times than I can imagine these last few days. I have had a horrible round with a terrible migrane and nausea and have just been released from the hospital.

I don't know what brought all this on, I'm sure that the fact that I've had little sleep and not been eatting well hasn't helped but the stress of a new baby was something I had totally forgotten. Totally.

I rested all last night , and have had a lot of fluids ran through me these last few days. Ms. Sophie stayed with her grandparents and my other 2 kids stayed with my mom so that she could get them ready for school today.

I'm so thankful for my family and all the help that they have given me these last few days.

I felt so many times that I was walking through the shadow of death, but it was the next part that gave me solace.

But without sounding to holy-er than thou, there was still fear (and to some point still is that the pain/nausea will return). But I recognize that I am human even though I am a Child of God. HIS chosen Child.

Praise God that HE takes me when I need him the most desperately and keeps me close, that he guides my hands and my feet, that HE protects me as I walk through these days.

I am a blessed Child.

Monday, October 15, 2012


I find myself here in my home, where currently its so quiet.

Ms. Sophie is sleeping and all is well.

God is good. He has blessed me far beyond my imagination.

Even the song "I can only imagine" is something that I could not behold.

She is 1 week old today, and she is perfect.

Nothing else matters.

I had this selfish thought process of "after she's born I'm gonna..." those things don't matter.

Nothing does.

Getting my kids home, shutting my door, and knowing we are all here safe is all that matters.

I'm a blessed momma!

Thank you Lord for NEVER acknowledging my plans for my life and for not letting my desires come before YOUR perfect will for my life!


Thursday, October 11, 2012

She's here!!!

Good morning & when I say morning I mean 2:14 AM morning.

Ssshhhheeee'ssss heeeerrrreee!

Monday came & at the end of the day I have a baby girl!!!!!!

She is perfect! Heaven sent!

Labor & delivery was ugh! Yuck & all that other stuff. But filled with the knowledge that I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be.

On my knees at the feet of God praising Him and accepting His Grace and His Mercy.

I also know that I'm still very hormonal, very emotional and very blessed.

I hope to hit the sack soon so know that whatever you are enduring today God knows.

And ALL things come together for the good of those who love HIM!

Nite (I hope!)


Thursday, October 4, 2012


Somedays are hard and really rough.

These have been 2 of the roughest so far.

Lord, I need you like never before!


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Ashes for Beauty and My Journey

Isaiah 61:3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Today I had my final doctor appointment before my Sweet Lil’ Sophie Sunshine will be born. It is with such anxiousness that I wait for her! Mainly because I want my body back & to love all over hers! The questions and the anticipation is killer!

I spent some time yesterday looking back over my journal of these past few months and much of it was so very hard to read. My heart has hurt so desperately and it was amazing to see the transformation of myself through these past few months. A couple of weeks ago my co-workers threw me a baby shower and they wanted to take my picture. I asked them not too because I didn’t want to be reminded of this journey. The truth is that it has been so hard that I want to erase my steps and just find myself at the top of the mountain.

I know that is not God’s plan for me during this time. I know that through my journey of these past 9 months that I have a testimony and a blessing that will be bestowed on me and God’s Kingdom through my children. And it will be my work to tell how I survived it ONLY by HIS Grace!

Today I spoke with my sweet friend Tonya who God brought us back together and mended our friendship through my journey. She walked this path 1 year before me and her testimony even before this time is amazing but to have had her to hold my hand is simply God’s design for my survival of this journey.

We talked about God’s use of us and turning our ashes into beauty. More specifically beauty in the way of beautiful baby girls. That made me look up the verse and I was so amazed at the rest of the verse. “The oil of gladness instead of mourning”. I spent so much time in mourning. Mourning what I thought my life would be like and how different it would now be. I kept saying “this isn’t how my life was suppose to go”, but in all actuality it was exactly how it was suppose to go. I have to keep telling myself, I gave myself to God and said “here I am send me”, knowing full well that HE would use me in whatever manner HE needed to in order to make HIS Kingdom grow.

The next part of that verse is a “garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair”. I wish I could say that I praised Him every step of the way. I want to believe that as much as God knows the groaning of my heart when I cannot speak that HE also knows that my heart is thankful even when it is heavy.

It was this last part that made me sigh and smile; “They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”
A Oak has deep roots, firmly planted and made to stand strong against the wind. That is so what I need, God to firmly plant me so that I stand strong in HIM, and why? “For the display of his splendor”, this life, this journey, this baby, my 2 already born children, my walk, my everything is about HIM. Am I perfect no. Am I a disgrace at times? Do I deserve His Grace? No. But am I blessed because of it? A million times yes!

Thank you Lord for taking me down this path these past few months. For blessing me and my children, both the born and the unborn, and for holding my hand and pulling me along when I didn’t want to go. Thank you for your guidance and your love and mercy! As I walk these final days of this pregnancy that wasn’t part of my plan, I am so glad you chose me and Lord I’m still here, use me.