Tonight I feel like I am drowning. I feel the waters of life surrounding me quickly & I've no escape.
I have to ride the waves of chaos & know God said you will make it through this, just hold on. So I picture myself holding a rope while the waves rush over me. All the while HE is saying just keep ahold of the rope.
I know HE is right, keeping the rope in my hand will ensure my survival, but letting go ensures my death. The odd thing about this situation is the fact that once the waves stop, HE says to me, "stand up my child" and I am only in about 3 feet of water.
As a single mom of 3, I never seem to make it through my day & say, ok I made it...instead every night when I can still fathom thoughts in my mind, I say "only by the Grace of God". I know who gets me through, and it's not a magic pill or some kind of energy drink, no, it's simply God. When I can't, God can. And HE does often, daily, hourly, a lot of times second by second.
I am weak tonight, well technically its tomorrow morning, but weak. I've cried tonight, begged, searched, pleaded, and worn myself out to the point of pure exhaustion topped with a sick headache making me want to puke.
This weekend I knew I had to accomplish 3 things: wrap gifts, do laundry, and clean my kitchen.
Gifts wrapped- checked
Laundry- 90% done, not folded, not put away
Kitchen Cleaned- yes, thanks to Tim making me mad I did that quickly.
I never feel like I've accomplished what I needed too for that day. But Lord, I can only hope that in YOUR eyes, I'm doing what I should, being who I should, and allowing others to see YOU through me!
Always yours, Amen.
