The Risen Savior has risen!
And so has Sophia... She woke and within seconds of finding out that the beloved Easter Bunny didn't bring her a Fingerling a breakdown occurred! First of many to come within the next few hours. The older 2 were at their dads for his "visitation" weekend, so only 1 to disappoint at this point in my day.
Then get to church to see the Easter Cantata, which my son was in, and Sophia is upset again because she didn't get to go to Children's Church. Get out of there and then onto Gma's, which she gets upset there because there is no one to play with. Come home and explain to her that part of her gift is we are going to stay at a hotel with a swimming pool and she will get to swim, then breakdown #4 occurs because we are only going for one day.
At this point in my day I'm pissed at everything! Birds, sky, freaking rain (its been raining long enough to look for the ark), and I'm so mad at Mother Nature I'm not shutting my windows! They are open, its freaking cold but damn it I'm done with this crap.
The expectations of this and every other holiday suck! They are too freaking much. There was no dying eggs this year, no hunting plastic filled eggs, nothing. I'm over this crap and I hate that for my kids, but I'm done.
Right now I'm sitting in my bathroom with the door locked trying to find some kind of string of hope to hang onto right now.
So I'm taking them out of town tomorrow, and all I can think is WHY!!!! WHY!!!! Why did I think this was a good idea?
Let's add into the mix the fact I'm newly into a relationship and am feeling like I've been ghosted. I always overthink things and overreact and live expecting heartache from people. And I think why! Why do I expect that!!! I need to get my head back into the game of accept me or reject me, I'm still me and I will still stand. All those sleep overs I didn't get invited too when I was a kid, all the dances I wasn't asked to, all the group things I was never asked to go on... I survived them. I will survive this too. Choose me, don't. It is what it is.
As I type I hear my kids screaming bloody murder in the other room, and honestly I simply wasn't to roll a towel under my head and go to sleep.
No this wasn't a perfect holiday for me, it was a square on a calendar that said the word EASTER on it. I will soon mark this day off with my X and I will go on. 5 hours and counting and this one is in the books.
Love, Me.
