Thursday, May 3, 2012

It's 3 AM in my world right now and I'm here, up with a heart ache. Ever wake up, look around and say "how did I get here?"

I did.

In 2 days my sister leaves for vacation, and that to me is a reminder of yet another thing in my life that won't come to pass for a while. I'm so excited for them to go and travel, but the selfish part of me is screaming inside.

The pregnancy hormones are horrible this go around, and being alone doesn't help. I want to lash out at Richie for leaving me in this situation. But then I remind myself this isn't his baby, it's a gift from God to me.

I always hope when I say those things that I will feel some relief, but I don't. I'm know I will be fine, God will provide all my needs. But its these times of hurt that kill me the most. These 3 AM cries. These worries about my baby's health and that first night with them. Saddness is overwhelming.

I will be fine and I know God's promise to me that if I cry out to HIM he will save me. So I sign off with that promise in my heart, good night again sweet friend.