Valentine's Day (excuse me while I puke)

This is one of the most over exaggerated days of the year (NYE is the other one)... so much garbage goes into this day for show.

I love a lot of people and I love a lot of things but is there one person that will bring me that truthful love? I don't know. I want to think so but I'm not sure I believe in that anymore.

I'm on a journey and the last 47 years I've seen love fail.

I've seen 2 people who stood before God and family and friends... find love elsewhere.

I've seen hearts break because someone "fell out of love"... well isn't that a sweet little package dressed in a bow...

Well I don't know but every time I think of "falling" lately I think of ouch... skinned knees, bloody elbows, and scrapes and bruises...

Now I don't want that.

My favorite is "I don't want that 24/7" and that was in reference to their children.... who says that???? Isn't that suppose to be the strongest of all love's?  How do you just turn that off? So if someone can say "yeah don't want that anymore" and look in their kids eyes or a daddy who doesn't even wanna look into their daughter's eyes at all... then maybe I don't want that at all.

So is there this never-ending solid as a bar of gold love? Apart from Christ. No.

There are days when our hearts smile and we can exhale in the arms of another.
There are days when our hair cooperates and our makeup is flawless and not a wrinkle on our outfit.
There are days when we need a smile from a stranger.
There are days when a kind word is spoken.
There are days when tears fall for the right reason.
There are days when the jeans finally fit.
There are days when the sunrise is just perfect.
There are days when just seeing the sunrise is a blessing.
There are days when the sunset is so colorful you smile, just simply to yourself.
There are days when the past creeps up on you and a memory runs down your cheek.
There are days when there is money in your bank account
There are days when the bed is the safest place ever and its so comfortable and surrounds you just right.
There are days when...

Well there are a lot of days and a lot of times that make our heart glad, and it doesn't involve another person declaring their undying love for me.

So today. I hope that I can exhale and smile, remember, receive a kind smile from a stranger, see the sunset all colorful, and find love within myself... Happy Valentine's Day's may the love you find come from within your own heart.

XOXO- Me

Just a Thursday

Good morning! It's a Thursday morning here, I took today off to meet with my friend Shelly.

We have a long long past and its one of grace and forgiveness and love, all the best friends have that kind of past.

She moved away to Baton Rouge and we keep in contact nearly weekly.

I'm excited to step away from my desk and the demands and spend it smiling with my friend.

I thought about that this morning as I listen to Louie Giglio talk about how God feels about us.

HE would delight that I would spend every day looking forward to it the way I look forward to this one.

Smiling, happy and ready to love my friend.

Instead I often find myself still inside my castle walls. Somedays still putting more blocks up to either build the walls taller or even worse making them thicker.

Lately I've tried to look out the windows of my castle in hopes of finding what my soul longs for, but the view I see makes me duck back down and stay hidden.

I keep thinking that God is going to bring a day soon that will leave me tearing down those walls and walking outside of them.

Last night my friend Dawn asked if I needed anything, I told her "a vacation", she said "Spring Break?" I said "no I will spend Spring Break at a conference in Atlanta talking about where the best locations for Summer Food Mobile sites are and how to make those sites happen". She said "I'm so proud of you for doing that, it shows your heart and passion for this".

I went last April and spoke in front of a group of people about Summer Food Program too, and I will this year as well. When. you love something you do its easy to talk about it.

I'm that way about God, I love HIM so much. I could talk about HIM all day, everyday saying things like "then God did this...", or "and it was all God". God has provided me with everything I've needed in this life, and more. I can't help but smile when I talk about HIM.

This morning Pricillia Schirer said "Girl who is your daddy?" Mine a sovereign ruler who is madly in love with me. HE delights in me. HE is happy with my yesterday and HE is looking forward to seeing my reaction to what HE does today.

Lord, as I step into this day, may I lay on the window sill of my castle and glare out onto the world YOU created for me to love. May I see the love YOU want me to find. May I smile bigger than anything else  for any other reason than just because I see YOUR fingerprints on my view.

Lord, love me today and give me love to give and let me smile for all the right reasons. Bless me Father, my mind, my mouth, my heart, hands and feet. May all I do be for YOU!! Bless me so I can bless someone else.

Much love,
Me.

prayers...

So last night I went to a friends house and met with friends, it was a big exhale... then I came back to my life.

Crawled in bed with my 7 yo and realized it's been nearly 2 years since I've had a date.

Last week on the way to Church God spoke to me and told me what to expect HIM to deliver to me.

But some days it's incredibly hard to be patient.

I know I cannot give up, I must keep going, must.

I have to hold on.

No I don't have baggage, I have children.

And yes it's been nearly 2 years.

I could use some prayers today if you by chance read this.

Me.