Friday, December 12, 2014

just a thought or 2...

Sweet Friday O' how I adore thee!

These days before Christmas are hectic and hurried and jammed packed but o'how I love me a Friday!

I'm a bit better than the slump I was in for a couple of days, the hell of hormones!

But opening up and being honest may make you seem more vulnerable but honesty is the best.
Hurts hurt so there, I cry when I need to where I need too and go on.

A day for me without some type of tears happy or sad is rare anymore. But that's what hormonal hell is I guess at this point. I'm trying to monitor myself better and incorporate and be more conscious of how I eat and exercise and take care of myself to better ward off that roller coaster ride.

But any who....

God is blessed me with a night last night with my children at the lights parade and there is hardly a word that explains the look on Sophie's face. She truly was everything that a child is at Christmas time! Lord, there is nothing I can say other than thank you!

Much love from this heart of mine.


Sunday, December 7, 2014

I'm her.

Yes I'm her.

The one who comes in each week with 3 kids in tow. Sits in the back row and has the very busy redheaded child.

I'm her.

What you don't know is when the choir sings those songs about Grace and healing and brokenness. It's about me. That's why I'm wiping tears away and trying not to break apart completely. I struggle to keep composed.

What you don't see on the 6 other days and the other 23 hours of Sunday is the blessed life I lead.

I have a beautiful home, 3 beautiful healthy kids, a great job, a nice car to drive, food in my cabinets & freezer. I have everything that I've wanted.

But I'm alone.

My husband of 14 years left me because this wasn't the life for him.

I've tried dating sites. Not good.

So I sit at home with my children. I raise them and I go to bed. I do laundry and dishes, pick up and put up and take out garbage. I rarely sit.

But I'm alone.

I want so badly to have the life with a partner, someone to share my day with. But this is the journey God has me on right now.

There are plenty of days I want to give up. But I can't. So I cry, dry them, survive and repeat.

So when you see me wrestle with my kids and wipe my eyes. Please pray.

Much love, me.

Saturday, December 6, 2014


Ever feel like you need the world to stop so that you can heal?

I do.



It's time to turn the page...

It's early and I've been up for a while.

Think the stress from everything lately set off an anxiety attack and I have been up focusing on just simply breathing and praying for others.

There was a point that simply breathing and talking to Jesus was all I could do. I felt HIM so close. I felt HIS hands on my knees saying "relax Val, I've got this".

I want to scream out the fact that I was lied too and its not fair and HE reminded me that HE too knew that feeling. Even though I told HIM I didn't want to have to accept it that I wanted to tell them what my heart felt, HE assured me that HE will handle it. And I believe HIM. I have to, because to scream, doesn't help HIS Kingdom.

Selena Gomez has a song called "The Heart Wants What It Wants" at the beginning of the video she talks and its words are true and its something we all have experienced I'm sure...she says that she can be feeling so confident and then everything shattered in a moment by something, something stupid. The worst part being that the other person makes them feel crazy and like it was our own fault.

Thats it.

I have allowed someone to make me feel like I was the one that wasn't good enough for them, in all actuality they were never good enough for me. God knew I needed and deserved better and HE is still sending them.

So here I am again needing to give myself some good 'ole grace. Giving it is the easy part, taking it is the hard part. (laugh laugh).

But all will be fine and God will continue to protect me I know. UGH...

Much love, Me

PS- Think it's time to turn the page on life!!!!

Friday, December 5, 2014

Trying this again.


It's Friday night and it's been a crazy time in our house. Kids are always busy and the piles of things that need wash grow as fast as the kids, the floors are always dirty with crumbs, and there is this holiday that is rapidly approaching.

It's been a while since I've written. My heart hasn't been in it and so I've given myself a break. Not sure I'm ready yet but have to give it a try.

I think about my year and I'm saddened with everything that has happen and yet amazed and blessed.

But no need on looking back, I'm not going back there. Wipe your tears big girl and pull up those big girl panties and head on.

A couple weeks ago I had a date. It was a with a friend from High School. We had a good time, he told me he wanted to take me out again, when he had a night off. Yeah I thought. Today one of my sweet friends told me she had a date and was so excited. I asked with whom? With the guy I went out with. I didn't tell her that i had just been out with him 2 weeks before and had been led to believe that we would go out again. I told her have a great time, he is a good guy.

I had to say that because he is a really nice guy. It is what it is that he hurt me. But I did message him as well and told him to "have a great time tonight she is a sweetheart". I didn't think he would reply but he did and said "it's only dinner taking it slow".

But inward I was dying, I was screaming again what is wrong with me? And through my tears I say, Thank YOU Jesus. I will heal and go on and eventually I will quit looking and let God place someone in my life. It will be okay.

This single motherhood of 3 is quiet a lot at times. But somehow I will make it through this with God's Grace. HE's my everything.

Much love,