Saturday, February 18, 2012

The reality of life, my short take.

Sometimes the reality of life is that it is not as the movies show.

Things happen, love hurts, tears fall, and healing will eventually happen.

My departure from God has led me to a path that I didn't think I would be on, but yet here I am.

Things happen, and lives are lived and yet the world still turns.

Praying much love for all you in blogland who have stumbled upon this minute little blog.

Just one question, does true love really truly exist?

Friday, February 10, 2012

As soon as I felt safe and secure in my new relationship all craziness broke loose and we took a break. Of course it was only about a 24 hour break, but long enough to realize that we both have some work that needs to be done and that it's worth working on.

Life is funny sometimes.

When you think you know what you want, you seem to be constantly presented with challenges that lead you wondering if you are truly satisfied.

I was reading online yesterday at (in)courage and it was talking about relationships and the thing that we most want to know is that we are worth it, that we matter to someone. If you followed my journey here you know that is exactly what I needed all along my path to divorce. Did I matter to him?

What I realized as that I didn't matter to him but I did matter to HIM!

Gods opinion of me is what matters. That is all that matters. So as things start to heal in my relationship new boundaries are going to be set, (some I'm not sure will matter), but my life and my relationship with God and my children WILL come first period. I have to get back to my life and going through these last day or so was enough to make me realize that I need my life back and mostly that I need my SAVIOR back.

I've missed you sweet Father. I know I've wandered away from YOU and that YOU continually stayed behind me, just as the shepherd always does. I mattered to YOU, just as each sheep matters. Thank You for loving me, for protecting me, for holding me and carrying me back. I cannot fathom why YOU chose me, but am so glad that you did.

much love and many prayers

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Finding OUR Way

Well here I am. I need to elaborate on my relationship status. While I think that there is so much to be thankful about regarding my relationship there are some issues still to be resolved too. I trust that God will see us through and that HE will help me as I struggle through this time.

Lord I want to be more of a servant and may my mouth be dry from saying the words "yes" to Your request.

I'm finding that one of the main issues with relationships that involve separate families is the ideas of how to parent. This is a challenge that we are often facing under my roof. My guy is having a hard time trying to be parent-like in situations when e kids are not seeing him as a parental figure. And they are both right he isn't their parent but as an adult they need to respect authority and they need to continue to respect house rules. On the other hand my guy needs to be more patient with the kids.

This entire relationship is a time of adjustment. The fact that he has been staying with us for a month is a huge adjustment. There are times I want my quiet house back. But there are a lot of times I like to feel his embrace and know I'm loved. I find myself having to explain things and that is too much. So I'm taking a new approach- the I love you but this is how I am living my life take it or leave it style. There are moments where compromising will come into play and there will be times where it will not. I am who I am. I am a child of God, fearfully seeking to love, be loved, and still remain in Gods Will. Is it possible? Not sure. Hoping God will allow me to be a vessel of hope and help.

Much love and many prayers!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Good Morning Lord. I know it's been a while and I know that I'm the one who has neglected YOU. I'm so remorseful that I sometimes do that, I just know that I've not been in YOUR will and sometimes the guilt I feel is overwhelming.

I'm here now Lord.

Ready to begin again.

I just want to be loved YOU. I know what YOUR Word says about YOU always loving me. That is so relieving.

I know that thee are things that happen in our lives that are meant to be, and as for the last few months I know that they have been directed. By YOUR hand. That nothing happens that isn't in YOUR will and I know that even when I don't understand that eventually I will. Eventually, if not in this life in the next.

I look around my life and am completely amazed at my blessings, and yet I still feel fear. Why is that? Why is there fear in my life when I know that YOU are in control. So confusing.

But until I understand...I just want YOU to know ... I still believe.

Still believe...
in the amazing love of my Savior.
In the possibility of loving again.
In the hope of a better life with love.
In the knowledge that the is still so much for me to do and be.

Thank You Lord, for loving me unconditionally.