The Bible says were wonderfully and fearfully made. However on most days my wonderfully fearfully made scales tip way over on the fearful side.
I wish it weren't so, but it is. I get overwhelmed like OMG is my house ever going to be cleaned, will that sticky stuff on the floor be evident to that person who just came in the door, will that elusive dog crap ever quit finding its way into my house, will Sophie's ear infection ever quit, will Ian ever learn to tie his shoes, will Kennedy ever quit getting into a funk on her dads weekend, will I ever financially make it?
I get burdened by the questions.
Then I remember,
that night in June a few years ago, I had the 1st of many conversations, ones in which HE answers me, "Val, I got this, let it go" and I say "but", and HE replies "in my house there are no but's". And I nod and say, Ok and dip my face in shame only to feel HIS touch on my chin raising it up again saying, "It's for your good, and it's because I love you".
We've all been there right? (Just say yeah to make me feel better).
Well sometimes I live there, I live in the I gotta fix this stage too. I make myself feel better by saying, well HE made me this way, or it's just part of who I am. But when I step in and try to "fix" it becomes about me, and less about HIM. My life isn't about me. It's about HIM. HIM who knows my heart, who knows I want myself not to heal the brokenness of others but to watch and have a front row seat to watch the Splendor and Glory of God's Amazing Touch.
I imagine it like our faces on the 4th of July staring up at the sky watching and waiting with each boom to see the beautiful fireworks placed against the black sky of night. There is a reason that fireworks are at night, the splendor is the greatest then. The same with God's amazing works, it happens at the darkest times and we who are HIS watch with bated breath and with ooohhhhss and aaahhhhsss at the HIS display of Grace and Mercy, and Healing. God is great everyday, our views are the only thing that changes.
So in the darkness of my days I pray for HIS HOPE to be infused in my life today, my every breath to be a relief of HIM, my every second to be set to music from his harp, bless me FATHER.