Breathe in and breath out.... shouldn't be so hard now should it?
Add anxiety in and its a physical exercise, a mind producing exercise that I have to control.
I've listened and read articles that say anxiety is of the devil, that it's a byproduct of wanting to control everything. I believe it.
I want things to go so so, I don't want things to go so so and when they are switched up, I'm a wreck and everyone around me is suddenly demoted to 2nd class and the me and my control issues want to walk in and take over.
Last night I listened to a sermon on Jonah. Chapter 3 and 4. God said Go and Jonah went and when he got there he did what God said to do. Things were good with those who Jonah witnessed too, but because Jonah had this self conceived notion that he didn't like the folks he had witnessed too he was ticked off at God. Said he would just rather die than have to see those people blessed.
Is this me? Am I stomping around like a spoiled Jonah saying "uh not again".... "why me"... seriously as I'm typing this my 5 yo is stomping bc she is upset because she is having to pick off the little candies off the brownie I got her saying "why me"...
The concerns of Jonah were misguided...he didn't care about the people of Ninevah he cared about his desires.
Is this me today? Am I not caring that I have 2 of 3 kiddos, we are good, my house (minus my room) is CLEANED!!!, at the present time it's not raining, and things are good. Am I overlooking my blessings because I'm instead looking for or expecting a curse?
YES!!! I will clearly answer that question myself. YES!!!
I had such an awesome time last night and am so afraid of rejection. Even if rejection was sent by God for my blessing....
Even if...
Love me.
