A couple of weeks ago my preacher spoke about how God predestined our paths. He told about how everything that has happened and will happen HE already knew and knows. Pastor Jeff's last few words of the sermon were "in this room there are no accidents".
In my situation today, I needed to be reminded of that. I needed to hear that there are no accidents to God. As hard as this time has been for me, HE already knew what was going to happen. HE already knew about Sophie. HE already knew that being a single mom was part of my future.
Pastor Jeff spoke about his path that he had walked that brought him to where he was at that moment and that if just one little thing had changed how his entire future would have been altered.
I'm tired. I'm ready to bring her into this world and love her and forget about the miniscule stuff. I want to smell her little head and rub her feet. I want to know that she is fine and perfect and I want to show her how much she means to me.
I want to see my children with her, I want to figure out how all this is going to work.
I have a doctor appointment today and am full of hope but know that my anxious ways are sometimes or basically always not on God's timetable.
These recent days have been tough and last night was no exception. Add into the fact that I have a terrible chest cold that makes me feel like 1. I've broken/bruised ribs every time I cough and 2. I've got to pee each time, and one becomes very miserable very fast.
But in God's time I keep trying to convince myself.
This recent days I find myself wanting to hold up inside my humble abode and not go anywhere or do anything. I just long for night time so that me and my children can crawl into bed and snuggle up.
I have become quite the homebody and wish that my weekends were longer and my nights were too. But I know that God is in control and that these hormones/emotions are only temporary and that HE will bring me through this, a different and stronger person. A person HE has destined me to be.
I am scared but Yes Lord I still believe!
Much love, me.
PS- Maybe next time I'm here I'll have a new addition to share!