Tonight I gave myself a timeout.
I had too. I crossed the line with anger.
The life of a single mother isn't easy on any level.
The single mother is responsible for it all. The discipline, the rewards, the lessons learned, the dinner prepared after a long day at work, the laundry, the dishes, the baths, the homework and the list is endless.
The single mother is the mother and the father everyday. And it sucks.
We are the ones who have to rationalize whether or not buying that toy is what we should do right now for our child. The child who has done so well in school, and on her piano, and so we say..."alright I will do it".
Then we are the ones who realize the sacrifice that buying that toy was when we have our bills and everything else to weigh in.
We know the sacrifice, and seldom do they. But it is us that has to teach them that lesson too.
So when a night of breaking up fights and stopping arguments after yet another rough day at work is coming to a close and we seem to be pushed to that next level of pettiness "I" break.
I scream like a banshee and say things I didn't mean with a tone that was uncalled for because I had had enough. So I gave myself a time out. I came to my room, shut the door, and said "why did you give me these kids to raise when I am a mess myself?"
These are the times God is surely shaking His head and thinking "geez!"
So I took away the toy, took away the remote, the computer, and gave her a book and bid her goodnight. Will this be our last go around? I hope so for tonight. Will I have to reteach this lesson, probably. Will I learn anything from this lesson? I hope so.
I'm a mess.
I'm a single mother of 2 great kids who make mistakes.
I make mistakes.
We all do.
But here is hoping for a better tomorrow.