Saturday, April 27, 2013


Time for honesty.

1. I've talked with Richie.

He is still getting help for his problem. But yes we've spoken.

I want to be an encourager to him, I want him to know that I support his good choices. I want him to know I'm praying for him, and for Sophie too because more than anything else she deserves a sober daddy.

Within 2 weeks he will be home & beginning life, hopefully, anew. Infused with God. Every. Single. Pore.

The praying is my job, the believing is my job, the rest is his job.

2. My days are chaotic and hurried, and busy, and I don't like it. There just doesn't seem to be any peace. It's like the constant of something...always.

The dog who is very very very old is huffing and puffing, and walking around with the sound of her feet on the floor. Sophie is crying. The kids fighting. A spill is made. Supper is late. I'm tired. Laundry is piling up. There is chicken in the fridge that needs to be cooked up. Grandma's clothes are needing to be cleaned and returned to the nursing home. Grandma is calling reminding me to pick up her mail. Dad has forgotten something and needs an errand ran. Mom won't watch the kids for me to run the errand and so I have to take all 3 kids. Softball practice doesn't start til 6:30 PM and last until 8 PM, it's too cold to get Sophie out of the car so we sit in the car at the field. All are hungry, including Sophie and it's just hard.

That was 1 day. That was yesterday.

My friend tries to call, and I don't answer because honestly speaking, it's hard to change a diaper, talk on the phone and remind Ian to not get in the road.

After I am unable to answer her 4th or 5th call, I get the "are you mad at me text?". "Seriously" is what I want to reply, but I don't. I reply "no, just overwhelmed." Her reply; "do you know if I can take my dog in the school building?". Once again I want to reply; "seriously!" but instead say "I don't know."

I don't have time for that kind of conversation. The only one I want to hear is the one where the words "It's going to be okay" come towards me from the lips of my friend to my ears and heart.

Days like yesterday are everyday. And everyday I survive only by the Grace of God.

3. I don't feel good. Major headache accompanied the 30 degree difference in temperature these last 24 hours. I want to lay my head down and someone rub my hair  until I fall asleep. I want to be cold enough to snuggle but not to hot that I sweat.

I want peace. I know that there is that saying that says- "No God, no peace. Know God, know peace." But in the Knowing God is the constant battle for peace. It seems satan seeks to steal our joy and our peace so the fight is constant.

But I will remain diligent and faithful and full of hope that God will continue to grant me the Grace that I need to survive.