I live in a state of confusion.
Confused about my love life, my parenting skills, my changes in my life and the fact that I am completely at God's will for me.
Knowing that I'm all these kids have as far as stability is humbling, scary, and the hardest thing ever.
Knowing that God is all I have anymore makes me scared too.
My children and I attended a wedding yesterday and it was breath taking. The looks shared between the couple and the smiles of the family was so perfect.
It made me feel like where is my "perfect".
I wondered about the couples that were there and the conversations they had before they left their houses. I wonder if one told the other how nice they looked and if they watched the couple remembering their own special day.
I wondered if they looked at the pregnant single girl with 2 kids in tow and thought...hum bet she is a loosey goosey (nice words). Not knowing that isn't the truth at all.
We didn't stay long.
I use to think that peoples opinions didn't matter to me, but reality is it does.
Being pregnant with a growing belly isn't something I can hide any longer. I am not ashamed anymore. I would never want my baby to look back and think "momma didn't want me" when the truth is this momma didn't know she needed you so badly.
God is amazingly at work in my life. I don't know what my ending destination on this journey will be but somehow someway it will all work out.
And hopefully my son will not tell anyone else that "momma has sad days" because this momma needs some happy days ahead.
This entry to this blog isn't descriptive to what is truly on my heart and mind, but it's what has come from my fingertips. So until I can put on screen what is on my heart this will have to do.