Sunday, July 1, 2012

Surviving Again.

You know, sometimes we pray a prayer because we know it would be best for us in time, then when that time happens and our prayer is answered we are heartbroken.

Tonight that happened.

I've felt in my heart for the last few weeks that this relationship isn't what I need in my life.

I've prayed that if it is not meant to be that God would remove it from my life.

Tonight that happened.

Our relationship, if you call it that, had dwindled down to a phone call a day of 4-5 minutes. Ever since we began seeing each other, if you call it that, we've never had a "date". Never went to dinner, never.  Never went anywhere that people would have said "aww they must be a couple". Didn't happen.

Am I worth a dinner and a movie every once in a while? Yes.

Tonight we had Ian's end of the T-Ball season get-together, he said "call when you are done." Thought no, I sent him a text that said "Home. Not calling, needing more that a 4-5 min. conversation. Needing more in my life."

The conversation that took place when he did call wasn't good, then he tried to call me back and I wouldn't answer, the message was even worse. It was verification that God said "let go, I got this."

I hope that God didn't mistake my tears for disbelief of His ability to handle this, they were just because.

I believe in true love and I believe somehow someway I will make it through this time. But bet your bottom dollar, it won't be because of me it will only be because of God himself.