Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Figuring it all out...

I am bitter.

I have had this idea for the last few years that I was done wrong, that I was let down, that my life shouldn't have been this hard to live, that I shouldn't have to have made the choices that I have made for myself or my kids, and honestly as sad as it is to say my list could go on.

But last night I had a thought, after I had a breakdown, what if this is how my life was suppose to be.

Obviously it must be what God intended or I wouldn't be here trying to figure everything out.

I was reading today a devotional that spoke about how some Christians feel like God is the all powerful Genie and should solve all their problems. My first thought is "crazies", but then I realize that's me.

I am frustrated with the fact of being a single momma of 2.5 kids and trying to survive, but then I realize now that I need to accept God's provisions, both the good and the bad, and come to see that God has me in this situation to grow me, to prepare my (HIS) children for their own lives, and to further HIS Kingdom.

The things that I have been through and the problems I have faced and will continue to face are not being done to me but being done to further HIS Kingdom. HE has the plan, I do not and as overwhelmed as I get I know that I am blessed.

Knowing all this and slowly figuring it out doesn't change the fact that I will more often than not feel overwhelmed, scared, unloved and unlovable, alone, and vulnerable; but somehow someway God will make a provision for me.

Have a blessed Tuesday!