Thursday, June 12, 2014

Lord, I praise YOU for all the blessings I have in my day, 

even the ones I have no idea about.

I went to work today.

I was dressed nice, hair done, make up on.

Smile in place. Warm gestures to all (or at least all but 1) who crossed my path.

My hands, mind, and fingers all going as fast as they could go.

Bumps happened and times I wanted to stop smiling and let the real show.

But I didn't.

I kept on, keeping on.

I wrote to YOU and told you how I felt I was drowning again.

YOU brought to mind the song, "Where could I go".

I have no where else Lord.

There is no place to lay my burdens down.

No friend who has shoulders left to help me carry mine.

So I kept going today.

I'm suppose to give YOU my burdens Lord. (Why when I type those words to tears appear?)

My burdens are ugly, some self-created, others have grown out of molehills, some I can't even speak (or even type), and yes they truly are all mine. No one else would or could attempt to claim them.

Where could I go, O' where could I go
Seeking a refuge for my soul.

I need a refuge. A place to hide, and feel safe again. A place to know I was going to be okay.

Because on days like today, I don't.

Today I received bad news from a friend and she said, "it will be okay". I replied, "no it won't". She asked "why" and I told her "because I'm a single mom losing this battle".

She of course went on to offer words of encouragement, because that's what we do, we lift one another up.

I'm overwhelmed and full of fear of not making it. It's scary out here in this world Lord.

I need YOU like never before, I want to smell YOUR scent, feel the breeze of your passing by me, feel the warmth of YOU radiating brightly. I need to feel YOUR touch, hear YOU speak to me, and know beyond anything else it is YOU. Make it clear. Make it without question. Keep Satan away guard me, with a thousand angels today because there is no fight left in me.

Hold me today & tonight when I sleep please don't leave my beside.

Being a single mom is hard and there aren't any arms to run to here in this world. So hold me Loving Father, keep me safe and let me know it will be okay.

Much love, me.