I knew waking up the today would be a struggle. I feel a cold coming on and I'm wiped out from all the going during Thanksgiving break.
So coming home and finding my pj's was a blessing.
Then...
My son who is sick couldn't find his diffuser. I said I will look under your bed... MISTAKE. I spent the next 2 hours screaming and trying to make him understand that was unacceptable.
Meaning the girls ate without me.
Oldest daughter was told no to driving around, then my friend called and she said I'm just going to run my friend somewhere. I agreed. 2 1/2 hrs later... I called her to come home.
My youngest... on the iPad for 4 1/2 hours.... then at 9:30 when I tell her put it up she says I'm hungry.
I LOST MY SHIT TONIGHT.
I SCREAMED.
I YELLED.
I HAVE GIVEN OUT PUNISHMENTS.
NOW, I feel like garbage. I overreacted. I know it.
Things to change because of this...
1. 8:30 S is off electronics and in bed. Snacks done by this time and we are done.
2. 9:00 K is home, no running after that. All HW must be done prior to leaving.
3. I Must bring home books and he will have all the trash from his room emptied by the mid of week.
4. I need to be off the phone as well by 8:30, my mind needs to be clear.
See my friend called me and this person is in the KNOW of many things pertaining to many people. Tonight some things were said that made me understand why other things have happened. I can simply say this... 1. there is no one I would repeat this stuff too. You learn more about people by watching them than anything else. 2. I'm glad that I cannot be said to have been doing/or doing this stuff because I don't put myself in situations where they can be said of me.
Lord you have called me to be better than the piece of crap I've been to my kids tonight. You have called me to not scream like I did, to not talk to my kids like I did. I'm ashamed of myself. The mom guilt is tough tonight. I want to throw up.
God I'm so tired. I'm so over being this way. Help me.
Me.
