I sit here and breathe in and out.
My mind has 1000 questions and I only want to ask God.
I only want to know what HE says.
But I believe I know what the answer is and instead of making my life easier and jumping for joy...it makes me sad.
I mean I asked God to restore my joy this year, and these decisions won't do that I know. But I feel HIM saying, "in the long run they will".
Here's the thing, in my life it seems there is so much that I do that is to survive the short term. Does that make sense? When you are fighting the fight for survival, you focus on the daily, minute by minute plan for survival. You rarely see the "in the long run", but I guess that is where my faith will be strengthened.
I see Lord, but please understand that my heart still hurts.
I am reminded of the verse,
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in Him.' The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul that seeks Him." Lam 3:22-25
The Lord never ceases to amaze me. I think somedays I'm so scared that I need to lay at HIS feet and rest.
Ugh...
Much love, me.
