Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Finding Strength Again

I've prayed about my relationship with Richie for months and months now.

I've prayed God please remove him from my life if it is not meant to be.

I wanted my heart to not to break.

I didn't think I could go through another heart break again. I didn't want to.

I figured that maybe since we had been living together for nearly a month now that things were better.
That we had overcome whatever obstacle was preventing us from making it in this relationship thing.

As anyone who has had a newborn before knows sleep is a valuable commodity. Very valuable.

And as anyone knows lack of sleep is not pretty. But lack of sleep is not an excuse. Period.


Tonight a line was crossed and I realized afterwards when I was trying to figure out what had happened I realized my heart broke.

The thing I didn't want to happen, happened.

I was/am basically back in a bad situation.

Remember all those thoughts about our lives together, our future, all gone.

All I can think of now is that I want to put my kids in the car and drive away. I can't and won't because I need sleep and so do they.

I want to wrap my family up in a tight ball and forget the world.

I have a friend who is dealing with some hard times and she was really upset with some choices she had made and told me that she wasn't strong enough to deal with her situation. I told her that she was, she just didn't know it now. But tomorrow when she woke up and realized she had made it through the night she would be amazed and thank God. That strength isn't something you are born with, but rather something you develop.

I know from the past that I will survive this, I don't have a choice. But there are things that are in my life that I do have a choice and this is when I will have to find my strength again.

Pray & wish me luck.