Thursday, December 13, 2012

Been Here-Done This Before

These last few days have been really hard on me emotionally.

But the thing about this time in my life is...I've been here before.

I've lived this time before, the heartache, the pain, the madness, the why's, the "this isn't suppose to be my life". Yep, all of them and more.

The only difference this time is I have someone still saying "I love you" to me.

Not sure that will carry them back into my life or not. Today at this second, it won't.

I went to the Carter's to leave Sophie last night so that his mom can watch her today and it the drive was hard to say the least. It was the knowing that when I get there that he wouldn't be there like so many times before.

When I did get there I sat up the pack n'play and we laid Soph down & her smiles would melt an iceberg! They were amazing! Better than any sunset, better than anything in the world! I needed those smiles right then & there to know, I'm okay.

The night before I had been praying that just like when God sent the Angel to Mary to prepare her for her adventure that He would send one to me to let me know It was going to be okay.

I cried & cried feeling so abandoned. Then Soph started to cry too. Kennedy picked her up & was bringing her to me in the kitchen. I heard "OH NO" and when I turned around Sophie had spit up all inside Kennedy's shirt, we both stood there and laughed so hard & Soph smiled. It was the icebreaker I needed to know "Smile, lighten up, I got this, now go enjoy my children the dishes can wait". So I did.

Kennedy, Sophie & Ian are perfect and I am blessed. Heartbroken at times still, but so blessed.