Thursday, May 29, 2014

My days

Life isn’t fair, but no one said it would be.

God is good, even when life isn’t. HE is my rock, my Grace supplier, my guide on situations where I am lost, and my everything. HE is there when I am trying to pull away. HE’s the voice I hear in my heart when I’m crying out “where are YOU”, saying “I’m still here, I’ve never left”. I often picture God sitting in my Pink fuzzy chair in my bedroom keeping watch over me. Especially when my day has been hard, and my heart is heavy. There is no peace like that of a child who has a momma or daddy sitting beside their bed keeping watch.

This life isn’t easy. But no one said it would be.

This past weekend I have quoted the words, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure a million times. Last fall I didn’t put the pool cover on, I’ve worked 3 days so far on the pool trying to get it ready to open. 3 days inside a 4’ plastic pool with 3 kids running crazily around, arguing, fighting, begging for this or that as if their last breath depended on it.

Each day when I got to the point of breaking, I quit. I couldn’t do it anymore. My sanity was worth more than 4’ plastic tub of water. I’m finding that my laundry pile and the dish pile and the dirty floor…well those things just are.

I don’t know how to do this life.

I have had to deal with so much in the last few years that I find myself settling with things and I don’t want to settle for anything. God tells me, “Val, you are mine! A child of God doesn’t settle! A child of God waits for the blessings beyond all things I can imagine.”

I’ve recently battled mentally with the “do I even know how to love” question, and when I met a guy recently I still don’t know. I don’t know how to know and right now I don’t know. Am I blessed? Beyond all things humanly imaginable.

These are the last few days of 2nd grade for Ian and 4th grade for Kennedy. There is no homework at the end of their day & these last few days we’ve had no nighttime extracurricular things going on. The idea of coming home and being is just terrific! There is nothing like it. Being home at night is wonderful. These are the days of smiles, laughter, popsicles, bike rides, and memories.

It’s during these soft moments that we can all breathe and say, “thank you”, watch the sunset over the trees, and know all is well in the world. Does it mean that we won’t have struggles? OMG No!

But for the moment I will have a banana popsicle and lean back with my feet up, the dishes, laundry & broom can wait.

Much love, me.