Geez Louise…
This post is a hard one to write.
The past few weeks have been more than I could have fathomed experiencing at one time. My kids had a health situation, Pool pump died, my dad received a threatening call from Sophie's grandparents demanding visitation or I would be taken to court, my pay was cut due to budget issues at work, I became very very sick with an infection that attacked my throat and mouth and prevented me from eating (I was sick for 11 days), during which the bank called and said there was an error on my flood insurance policy and I had been cancelled and needed to pay $500 asap, I was served a summons on the 4th of July stating I was being taken to court for grandparent visitation, had to hire an atty to file paperwork for the case $500, my car broke down $400 to fix, I locked my keys in my car & had to get a locksmith to unlock it.
My oh my Lord, the verse “Count it all joy when you meet trials of many kinds.” {James 1:2}
Rings so true for me right now, but Lord it's hard.
I wanna scream & act like Sophie & stomp my feet. I want to ask, "why", like my kids do when I tell them to do something….I've got a lot of growing up to do don't I?
I know you are here, I can feel your presence close tonight. It's like you are whispering "let it go", the same words my parents have been saying to me for the past few days. It's hard to just let it go, the yucky side of me wants revenge, wants eye for an eye kind of stuff. But that's not what YOU want us to do I know. YOU want me to love that other person, hold nothing against them, you want me in essence to "let it go".
I want to pray for them, don't get me wrong…I wanna pray that they'd come to their senses, but that is wrong too. I need to pray for the situation and that YOUR will be done. I just need you to say, close your eyes, and let me lead you.
I'm tired Lord, or am I depresses? The doctor says I have healing that still needs to happen and that I'm tired because of everything. I will be ok, won't I? I miss you Lord.
Hold me tonight, I'm scared.
Love, me.
