Saturday, March 22, 2014

Anger, Frustration, Maddness, all directed at the Wicked Witch of the West

Sometimes I get so mad…I don't understand…

So you gave me a husband that cheated on me, ok ok for 11 months I said I wait Lord until YOU say it's ok for me to divorce. YOU did, so I did.

Then I am left raising the kids alone, because he has turned out to be such a louse. I say, ok ok just help me Lord. And YOU do.

Then enter an unplanned pregnancy. I say, ok ok it taught me total total dependance on YOU Lord, and I know my survival from sun up to sun up is ONLY because of YOU. So I am.

Then she arrives, and the underestimated challenge began, I say I can't…YOU say "you can't but I can!" and I say ok.

Lord, I've met all your challenges with obedience, some with hesitation, but I've learned from them.

So Lord…why the difficult mother too?

I left Ian & Sophie with her last night while I went to Kennedy's play. FYI…I offered her the tickets, she didn't want them…I ended up going with the neighbor lady Patty. I forewarned her this play is LONG! At 10:30 I'm pulling in the drive, my phone starts ringing & she is screaming at me, where are you! You have been gone too long!

Seriously Lord!

I wasn't bellied up to a bar, I was with my daughter & the elderly widowed lady from across the street. Where the heck did you think I was?

Why do I have to endure her crap? She is a terrible person! Why do I have to deal with the Wicked Witch of the West every single day. I do all this simply by YOUR help alone. YOU are my provider, but when do I get a brake from her wrath? I didn't deserve that phone call. My God I hadn't sat down or did anything for myself the entire day, in fact this is the first time I have had to myself in over 24 hours.

What in the world.

I don't understand. Am I being punished for something? What am I to learn from her evil words & hateful stares & condescending tones? I do the best I can, and I am still treated as dirt and a whore by my mother. The woman who is SUPPOSE to help me feel better about myself and love me unconditionally is the one with the biggest hammer and who swings it the hardest and fastest at me. Thank YOU for YOUR unconditional love, but it doesn't exist down here.

I am so hurt and so frustrated. I am treated no better than a girl who whores around and drinks herself into a stupor every day. I'm a good girl. Don't drink, or smoke, raise my kids alone, lean only on YOU. I don't have the ability to do anything else. WHY LORD! WHY!

Help me get a grip today with her, I want to slice her open with my words, I am so angry right now.

All night long I had nightmares because of her!

I am not the person she thinks I am. I am not & I'm tired of defending myself to her.

Lord she is treating YOUR daughter, to whom YOU chose, something awful. Please Lord, protect me. YOU are all I have.

Love me please, because I feel so alone right now…