Friday, April 25, 2014


Sometimes when I need to feel and remember that someone once wanted to share this crazy life with me & the kids I re-read old emails that survived.

I miss that feeling of someone understanding the importance of loving the kids along with me.

Many today are wolves in she eps clothing. Values (or lack of) are no good, language and intentions aren't good, there seems to be a lack of God in their lives.

When I see my lil kids eyes & see their smiles I think why aren't we worth it? Why can't someone see us as important?

Many look at a single girl with 3 kids as someone who has baggage. Someone looking for a sugar daddy (if that's what they call it) but not the case. I make as much if not more than a lot of guys so thats not true either.

Lord, my heart hurts and longs for companionship and conversation and someone to share our life with. The void and hurt is a lot. Lord if YOU can't bring me the one to whom my soul belongs Song of Sol. 3:4. Then Lord could YOU fill that void, that longing, with YOUR love and fullness.

During this time of loneliness it would be easy to slip, but Lord keep my feet planted firmly on YOUR promise that I will not live this life alone and that YOU will bring me someone to love and be loved by. YOU are my deliverer, YOU hold the answers to these questions and the longing of my heart.

I will get through this part of my journey and YOU will be the reason.

Thank YOU for carrying me when I needed it, steading my feet when they shook so badly, for holding my hand when I was/am scared, for being my mentor and my guide through my days. For giving me a heart of compassion and responsibility. For showing up and never leaving me, even when I disappoint YOU. I continually seek YOUR peace. Hold on to me.

I love the Mercy Me song, "Keep Singing", the words are soooo me!! Especially the chorus;

Can I climb up in your lap?
I don't want to leave…

Lord, can I? I need YOU!

I often wonder if the love I felt and lost was my true love and that I should be content with my memories and long no more. But I know that the needs of my children to have a father is close to YOUR heart.

We need YOUR touch and nudge that reminds me that "YOU got this".

Kennedys games begin next week, Ian wants desperately to go fishing & Sophie…well she's not said the word "daddy" in a very long time. 

Lord where they lack a a dads encouragement, fill it with YOU.

Bless us Lord, help us, guide us, grant us favor with YOU and with those around us, only with YOU can we get through this!

In YOUR name, Amen.

Much love,